Abuse and Violence

Abuse and violence are negative actions or behaviours that someone uses to scare, control, isolate, or physically or mentally harm you. Someone can use abuse and violence to establish and maintain control over: 

  • Family members 
  • Current or former intimate or romantic partners 
  • Co-workers 
  • Friends 
  • Roommates or other people 

Abuse and Violence can happen once, or it can be repeated. You can find more information about abuse on the Government of Canada website.  

If you are the victim of abuse or violence, it is not your fault. There are resources available to seek help. There is hope for the abuse to end. You can find resources in the Directory of Services for Victims of Abuse. If you are an Indigenous person experiencing abuse, you can find resources in the Directory of Services for Victims of Abuse in First Nation Communities.  

You may be concerned that you may have acted violently or abusively toward someone you know. There are resources available to help you end the abuse or violence. You can find resources in the Directory of Services for Abusive Partners.   

Abuse and violence can present in different ways. You may experience more than one form of abuse from someone who is acting abusively. 

Physical Abuse is when someone causes you physical harm or causes physical harm to a loved one. It can also include threats of physical harm. Physical abuse can happen with or without a weapon.  

Examples of physical abuse include, but are not limited to: 

  • Hitting or punching 
  • Kicking 
  • Pushing 
  • Damaging personal property or a pet 

Psychological Abuse is also known as emotional or verbal abuse. Psychological abuse is when someone says mean things to you to hurt your feelings, manipulates you, or harms your mental health.  

Examples of psychological abuse include, but are not limited to: 

  • Isolating you from your friends and/or family 
  • Insulting you and calling you names 
  • Constantly monitoring or controlling your activities 
  • Gaslighting 

Gaslighting is when someone makes you feel like your experience of an event or memory is not real or true. Gaslighting is used to invalidate you and your experiences. 

Sexual Abuse is when someone forces you to do any sexual act or does something sexually inappropriate to you without your consent. Sexual abuse can also include things that don't involve direct touching but are still sexually inappropriate and non-consensual.   

Examples of sexual abuse include, but are not limited to: 

  • Forcing sex or sexual touching without your consent 
  • Distributing sexual photos of you without your consent 
  • Controlling your birth control methods like what contraception you use or don't use 
  • Forcing a pregnancy or abortion 
  • Knowingly giving you a sexually transmitted infection (STI) 

Financial Abuse is when someone takes control of or manipulates your money, assets, or other finances.  

Examples of financial abuse include, but are not limited to: 

  • Forcing you to give them your pay cheque or benefits 
  • Controlling whether you are allowed to work, or how often you work 
  • Giving you an allowance rather than free access to your own money 
  • Forcing you to give them access to your bank account or taking your account away from you 
  • Damaging your credit 
  • Restricting access to government benefits 

Spiritual and Cultural Abuse is when someone uses your religious beliefs or cultural practices to control, harm, or manipulate you.  

Examples of spiritual and cultural abuse include, but are not limited to: 

  • Using your religious views to make you feel bad about yourself 
  • Not allowing you to practice your religion or cultural practices 
  • Forcing you to change your religious beliefs or practices to their beliefs 
  • Using religion or culture to maintain control of the relationship 

Tech-Facilitated Violence is when someone uses technology to harm or control you. Technology can include cell phones, smart watches, televisions, tracking devices, smart home devices, computers/laptops, and more.  

Examples of tech-facilitated violence include, but are not limited to: 

  • Sending hateful or threatening messages through social media or other messaging platforms 
  • Impersonating you online to harm your reputation 
  • Publicly listing personal details like your address or phone number without your consent (doxxing) 
  • Accessing your online accounts or online banking without consent 
  • Sharing intimate images without your consent 

Stalking or Criminal Harassment is when someone repeatedly engages with you in a way that is unwanted or makes you fear for your safety. This can be done in person, online, or in another manner. 

Examples of stalking or criminal harassment include, but are not limited to: 

  • Repeated phone calls or messages 
  • Following you from place to place 
  • Sending or leaving gifts or notes at places you go to often (school, work, or home) 
  • Threatening you or your friends, family, or loved ones 

Coercive Control is when someone uses a pattern of different abusive behaviours to maintain control of the relationship or dominate you. This is often referred to as trapping someone in a relationship. Coercive control can be hard to notice.  

Examples of coercive control include, but are not limited to: 

  • Intimidating you 
  • Making threats to harm you, you loved ones, or themselves if the relationship ends 
  • Isolating you from friends and family 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 

Abuse and Violence can also include neglect. Neglect often happens between a person providing care and a person receiving care. This can include caregivers for adults, parents of children, or other care providing roles. Neglect means failing to provide necessary care or assistance to a person you are caring for.  

Examples of neglect include, but are not limited to:  

  • Failing to provide proper nutrition or fluids to those receiving care 
  • Ignoring medication needs 
  • Refusing mobility support to the person receiving care 

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a pattern of abuse experienced from a current or former intimate or romantic partner. Intimate and romantic partners can include spouses, partners, boyfriends or girlfriends, casual partners, or anyone you have an intimate relationship with.  

Anyone can be a victim of IPV regardless of gender, sex, class, race, age, ability, or other circumstance. IPV can happen if you live together or separately. IPV can happen before the relationship begins, during the relationship, or after the relationship has ended.  

IPV comes in many forms, including any of the forms of abuse listed above.  

You may experience more than one form of abuse from your intimate partner. While IPV itself is not a crime, some forms of violence can be charged under the Criminal Code. For example,  

  • Physical abuse can be charged as physical assault 
  • Sexual abuse can be charged as sexual assault or sexual harassment 
  • Stalking, both in-person and online, can be charged as criminal harassment 
  • Sharing intimate images without your consent can be charged as distribution of intimate images 

For more information on how the law helps in violent situations, you can read Am I a Victim of Intimate Partner Violence? Testifying in Criminal Court.  

It's important to know the warning signs of intimate partner violence (IPV) to protect yourself, loved ones, friends, coworkers, and fellow community members from harm.  

This is not an exhaustive list of signs of abuse or violence. We may notice other concerning behaviours. While one sign of IPV may not mean someone is experiencing IPV, a pattern of these behaviours can be a concern.  

Some signs of IPV can include, but are not limited to: 

  • Feelings of fear, anxiety, humiliation, shame, low self esteem, low confidence, or fatigue 
  • Being withdrawn or isolated from friends, family members, loved ones, or community connections 
  • Feeling trapped in the relationship, even if it has ended 
  • Wearing inappropriate clothing for the weather. For example, wearing sweaters in the summer or shorts in the winter 
  • Suddenly wearing more, or less makeup than usual 
  • Receiving harassment or threats on the phone, online, or in person 
  • Frequently being absent from work or unable to attend social gatherings 

When IPV escalates, there can be a risk for more drastic harm or domestic homicide. Understanding the signs that lead to worse harm and domestic homicide means we can help protect ourselves and our friends, family, loved ones, and community members.  

The risk may be higher for lethal harm if the abusive person 

  • Owns a gun (legally or illegally) 
  • Is unemployed or lost a job 
  • Is extremely jealous 
  • Stalks, harasses, monitors, or controls you 
  • Has choked or strangled you 
  • Forces you to have sex 
  • Is using heavy drugs or drinking alcohol daily 
  • Has attempted or threatened suicide 
  • Is increasing the severity or frequency of physical abuse 
  • Believes there is an imminent break up, or there is a current break up of the intimate relationship 

When you leave an intimate relationship while experiencing IPV, your risk of domestic homicide is higher in the first year after leaving. You may need to plan to leave safely. You can view safety planning resources in the Resources tab.  

If you have concerns that you or someone you know may be experiencing abuse, you can explore Am I a Victim of Intimate Partner Violence? 

If you have concerns that someone you know may be experiencing IPV, you can have a conversation with them. This can be difficult to navigate. How could you talk about your concerns? What help could you offer?  

If you want to know how you can help a victim of IPV, you can view Love Shouldn't Hurt's infographic Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) How Can You Help? 

SOS Violence Conjugale, based in Quebec, has an article called 14 Messages to Convey to a Victim of Intimate Partner Violence.  

For information on what you can say, what you can do, and how you can help, you can visit the Love Shouldn't Hurt page. 

Children are at risk of becoming direct or indirect victims of intimate partner violence (IPV) when it happens while they are near or in the home. Children can also face lifelong challenges resulting from the IPV. 

If you believe a child may be a victim of abuse, you should report this to Child Protective Services at the Department of Social Development. They can be reached at 1-833-733-7835. 

If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.  

For more information on child abuse, you can read the PLEIS-NB's publication Preventing Child Abuse. 

For more information on how IPV can affect children, you can view this Love Shouldn't Hurt infographic.  

When firearms or weapons are in a home or another place where intimate partner violence (IPV) happens, you are at greater risk for serious and potentially lethal harm. This is also true if your former intimate partner has access to firearms or weapons.  

The court can order an Emergency Prohibition Order of Emergency Limitations on Access Order to limit someone's access to firearms or weapons. These orders are under Canada's Red Flag Laws.   

Emergency Prohibition Orders 

The court can order an Emergency Prohibition Order if someone is a danger to themself or others. This order can limit someone's access to weapons or firearms, firearm licences, and all documentation about weapons or firearms. The police can take these items, or the person who received the order can turn them into the police. 

These orders can last up to 30 days. The court can set a hearing date to decide whether to grant an extension. If the court sets a hearing date to extend the Emergency Prohibition Order, the police will not return the documentation, weapons or firearms until the court decides. The court can decide to extend this order for up to 5 years.  

Emergency Limitations on Access Order 

The court can order an Emergency Limitations on Access Order. The court can grant this order if someone who is not allowed to have firearms or weapons may have easy access to any that are owned by another person. This can include weapons owned by a friend, family member, or other person they know. The order then applies to the weapon owner.   

This order allows a judge to decide how someone must store their firearms or weapons if there is a chance someone could access them without permission. The court must choose measures that are as non-invasive as possible to the person receiving the order. If there is no way for the person to follow the rules in the order, the firearms and weapons may be removed.   

These orders can last up to 30 days. The court can set a hearing to extend this order.  

You can also contact the police for concerns about firearm or weapon safety. If you are in immediate danger, you can call 911.  

An abusive person may threaten to harm or kill your pets or farm animals. This can make an abusive situation difficult to leave. It can be difficult to get yourself, children, and animals out of the situation safely.

Safe for Pets Too can help provide temporary housing for your pets when you are leaving a violent situation.

Your local transition house can connect you with Safe for Pets Too. You can also email Safe for Pets Too at safeforpetstoo@gmail.com. You can visit their website to learn more.

If you are in the Greater Moncton Area, you can contact Pet Safe Keeping through People for Animal Wellbeing. They help provide temporary housing for your pets when you are leaving a violent situation.

You can reach them by email at info@paw-sba.ca If you want to learn more about this program, you can visit their website.

Safety Planning 

Making a safety plan means creating a plan to protect yourself from a current or former abuser. It can also include plans to protect anyone else involved in the abusive situation, including your children.  

Safety Planning and Intersectionality  

Intersectionality means that different parts of your identity may affect your level of risk. For example, your personal identity can include your gender, class, sexual orientation, race, age and more. These can affect the kinds of risk you should consider in your safety plan.  

 For more information about intersectionality, how it applies to you, and why it is important, you can view this Blue Cross Video on the topic.  

If you identify with one or more of the following identities, you may find the handouts from the Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic helpful. You may identify as 

  • Indigenous 
  • Black 
  • Immigrant, refugee, or non-status  
  • Child or youth 
  • Older adult 
  • 2SLGBTQIA+ 
  • Gender-diverse 
  • A person with a disability  

Safety Planning for Children and Youth 

Making a safety plan as a child or youth means creating a plan that protects yourself from a situation that may be unsafe.  

There are online resources available about how to make a safety plan. You can find an outline and other resources for a safety plan in this Kid's Help Phone article. You can use their safety plan for youth. 

Safety planning isn't just for older children or youth. Younger children can also make a safety plan. Safety planning with children should be done with a trusted adult. If you want to create a safety plan with a younger child, you can visit the Social Workers Toolbox handout.  

Safety Planning for Adults and Older Adults  

Safety planning as an adult or older adult means creating a plan that protects yourself from violence or situations that are unsafe because of someone else's behaviour. This can include abusive partners. 

Safety planning for adults 

For tips on how to create your own safety plan if you are experiencing intimate partner violence, visit this Government of Canada information page.  

You may be experiencing intimate partner violence and want more information about different types of violence, identifying warning signs, and creating a safety plan. You can visit The Royal Canadian Mounted Police intimate partner violence and abuse webpage.  

For more information about safety plans and how to make one, you can visit Victim Services of Nova Scotia's guidebook.  

Safety planning for older adults 

You may be an older adult and want to learn more about abuse and the steps you can take to be safer.  

For a checklist of steps to take, you can visit this Government of Ontario handout.  

For more information and guidance on how to make a safety plan as an older adult, you can visit the Elder Abuse Prevention Ontario toolkit.  

Safety Planning in the Workplace 

In New Brunswick, there are policies that can help protect you from intimate partner violence in the workplace.  

These policies include WorkSafe Policy 91-191. This policy requires your workplace to either have Codes of Practice or a Risk Assessment that considers the risk of violence, harassment, and intimate partner violence spilling into the workplace. Code of Practice and Risk Assessment documents outline what to do if violence enters the workplace.  

New Brunswick also requires employers to grant leave to employees addressing domestic and intimate partner violence or sexual violence. The rules for leave are in the Employment Standards Act and include: 

  • Up to 10 days that can be taken all at once or one at a time. 5 of these days are paid with the others being unpaid  

and 

  • Up to 16 continuous weeks' unpaid leave per calendar year 

Sometimes, intimate partner violence can enter the workplace. To keep yourself safe, you may want to fill out a safety plan with your employer. You can find a workplace safety plan from the DIPV Toolkit handout. 

You might be dating someone, or your friends may be starting to build romantic relationships. We should aspire to keep abuse and violence out of our relationships. However, there are resources available to you or people you know who may be experiencing abuse or violence.  

The Canadian Women's Foundation made an information page about healthy relationships in teen dating and why they are important called The Facts about Teen Healthy Relationships.  

Western Centre for Research & Education on Violence Against Women & Children has made an informative blog post about teen dating violence called Shedding Light on Teen Dating Violence, Understanding, Addressing, and Preventing It. 

Tech Safety Canada has a webpage about teen digital dating violence and how common technology violence is. To learn more, you can visit them online at the Teen Digital Dating Violence Toolkit.  

The Government of Ontario outlines what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like on a section of their website called Characteristics of Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships. 

A teen in your life may be starting romantic relationships with their peers. You can support the youth in your life to help keep violence out of their relationships. 

The University of Calgary Faculty of Social Work has created a PowerPoint presentation on supporting parents or caregivers in preventing teen violence in relationships. The presentation is called ConnectED Parents: Supporting parents and caregivers to prevent adolescent dating violence through texts, peers, & environments.  

The Thunder Bay District Health Unit created a toolkit for parents about violence in teen dating called Youth Dating Violence: Toolkit for Parents.  

The Coaching Association of Canada made a campaign called Support Through Sport which focuses on addressing gender-based violence and teen dating violence in sports. If you want to learn more, see their website page called Support Through Sport for Youth Coaches: A new project focus.   

A common myth about abuse and violence is that it can only take place in person. However, abuse and violence can happen on the internet.  

Abuse and Violence on the internet can take different forms including: 

  • doxxing 
  • having your intimate photos or videos posted publicly without your consent or knowledge 
  • harassment  
  • stalking  
  • and more 

 To learn more about online violence, you may browse this infographic about it from the Government of Canada.  

The Canadian Women's Foundation has made a web page about understanding online violence. If you want to read the page, it is called Help End Gender-Based Digital Harm.  

Statistics Canada made an infographic about online violence and youth. If you want to read more about this, it is available online at Young People and Exposures to Harmful Online Content in 2022.  

The Canadian Women's Foundation made a fact page on their website about gendered digital hate, harassment, and violence. If you want to read more, it is called The Facts about Gendered Digital Hate, Harassment, and Violence.  

Firearms can increase the risk of you or someone you know is experiencing harm by an abusive person. Firearms can also increase lethality in an abusive situation.  

"Red flag" laws are legal options that allow courts to temporarily restrict someone's access to firearms if they are a danger to themself or someone else. This is called an emergency prohibition order. For more information, you can read the webpage called "Red Flag" Laws and Preventing Firearm-related Harm.  

The Government of Canada has more information about preventing firearm-related violence and self-harm.  

Gun control and violence prevention is an important topic when discussing firearms and intimate partner violence. For more information, there is a helpful document about gun control, violence prevention, and how the law can potentially help by the Canadian Women's Foundation.